Helping couples split!
I am new to the world of blogging, so will introduce myself. Professionally, I am a Marriage & Family Therapist, a Registered Social Worker a Clinical Traumatologist and a Divorce Coach/Counsellor.
My Therapy Practice chose the name Redefine because both personal and professional experience taught me that difficult life challenges could be the catalyst for a life that could be reviewed, renewed and redefined.
Where the Relationship Journey Begins and Where it Ends Lies in the Hands of the Partners.
From Anguish to Awareness
That was my own experience when a fifteen-year marriage ended disastrously. The shock and the turmoil were unbearable, and our extreme level of conflict threatened the very fibre of my being. I was terrified, not just angry but raging angry, fearful and grief-stricken. My two children were casualties of a messy, high-conflict divorce. My flirtation with thoughts of suicide brought me into the care of a highly skilled and compassionate therapist whose guidance helped me survive and ultimately thrive. Suffering and my therapist were my teachers! I learned that I was capable, strong and in charge of my own life. I now had the opportunity to chart my future path and that is exactly what I did.
Painful experiences directed me into the study of separation and divorce during my Master’s Program.
Throughout my entire career, I have been privileged to work with individuals, couples and families. The rewards were many and the heartaches difficult. My keenest interests and commitment were working with couples who came into my practice with relationship challenges. I shared with them my philosophy that relationship difficulties could, in most cases, be resolved if there was keen enough motivation and strong commitment for each partner to listen and agree to changes. I told them that it required hard emotional work and that it would not be easy.
Some partners were able to work through their challenges and develop greater depth and intimacy. They were the ones that earned a “happily ever after”, but that was not always the case. Some couples decided that ending their time together was what needed to happen. It was heartbreaking for me to sit in my office with two people who, in most cases, had once loved each other, and were now choosing to part ways. If this was the chosen path, it was my hope that they would be able to separate with dignity. Some were able to choose a respectful transition, others were not.
Relationship endings are unique in most ways but predictable in terms of the stages each partner will experience. The dynamics differ, too, depending on the role as either the uncoupler (the one who ends the relationship) or the one who is the uncoupled. Only 32% of breakups are mutual.
So, what leads to the demise of a couple’s life together and what happens next? How has it become?
“I DO”
“I DID”
“I’M DONE”