The Reality of Marriage
The first blush of romance is a gorgeous experience for two people. It is glorious and thrilling…a typical honeymoon phase that is supposed to last forever. The brain goes into overdrive, opening the floodgates of feel-good chemicals and fueling an intense high.
But we do not live in a fairy tale world and countless couples complain of losing the ‘spark’ in their relationship. Too often one or both partners assume this means that the connection is ‘broken’. Disillusionment sets in, future hopes fade, and hope is lost.
This is typically the point (it can be months or years) that relational endings begin to unfold. It is also the time that a partner might seek intimacy outside of the relationship.
There is no single reason that there are endings, however, once a relationship does begin to break down, there is a predictable sequence of events that tends to occur, and it is at this point those partners should seek professional help.
Of note, is that divorce rates are increasing around the world, and this is being attributed by researchers to pandemic-induced break-ups.
Seeking Couple’s Therapy
The act of seeking couples therapy often takes place following a major breach of trust, perhaps an infidelity or an emotional affair, a series of lies or deceptions. Arguments may be getting more frequent; communication is poor, and something just feels wrong.
Making the choice to go to couples counselling is a scary but brave step to take. It involves admitting that all is not well. If unfamiliar with therapy, it can seem mysterious and confusing, not to mention a significant investment of time and resources.
Liz has worked with couples for a long time and knows that there is no template on how to really communicate, to hear their partner’s point of view and to learn how their own behavior plays a role in the difficulties.
For some couples this works, for others it does not. If separation is the decision they arrive at, the therapeutic goal becomes that of uncoupling in as compassionate and conscious a way as is possible. It also means that each partner accepts responsibility for the separation and looks to function healthily in the future.
“Couples work with Liz was extremely helpful in guiding my partner and me through navigating our possible future. Ultimately, this work with Liz assisted me in deciding to end the relationship after having explored it fully. She then supported us in consciously uncoupling, resulting in a separation without hostility, resentment or blame. We parted on peaceful terms.”Catherine